Demon Skylark
by sakurademonalchemist
Summary: Hibari Kyouya should have been happy, being reborn in a world where his habits would be accepted so readily. Instead he's stuck in a village full of fake carnivores with the worst of the lot being the pathetic monkey who lets the herbivores tell him what to do. Escaping the promise of a false pack leads him to a new territory and a change in what Fate had in store for him.
1. Chapter 1

Naruto Uzumaki _despised_ Konoha. Just not for the reasons many would assume after learning of his situation.

He ignored the insults, the thrown food, the fact most of the village hated him for some reason, and the fact parents would openly tell their children to avoid him.

Considering the level of 'dislike' aimed in his direction, one would assume he was beaten regularly for no apparent reason other than he existed. He had put an end to that when he was three and he very nearly killed a man by biting through one of the major arteries in the legs. After he made it clear he would reply in kind to that sort of treatment most avoided coming within range of his rather sharp teeth.

No, what pissed Naruto off about the village wasn't the way they treated them. It was the fact that he was stuck in a village full of hypocritical _herbivores_.

You would think one of the big five would have a few carnivores around, but _nooo_. They had their fangs pulled by that damn herbivore monkey parading as a carnivore, who kept telling Naruto he wasn't allowed to bite the herbivores who kept treating him like shit to death.

Ironically the only clan he seemed to actually get along with was the Inuzuka family. The head of that clan had taken _one_ look at him when her daughter was stuck babysitting (read: guarding) him for a month and had immediately pegged him as an Alpha Pup and had treated him accordingly. The canines they were partnered with all seemed to indulge him as a 'puppy Alpha' that was still growing into his fangs and claws, and never treated him like a feral wolf.

They, at least, understood pack behavior and Naruto knew it was the Hokage who kept them from adopting them for whatever reason.

As if Naruto didn't need another reason to despise the fake carnivore.

When he was five he made a friend by the name of Tenten, who had taken one look at his crudely made tonfas and had hit it off with him regarding weaponry. She understood his love of weapons at least.

His advanced combat skills and higher IQ had them sharing the same class, and within a week of meeting Tenten began to pick up the same things Naruto had about their education.

There was something _seriously_ wrong with it. Namely in the way the instructors were teaching them.

Tenten had seen how the other teachers taught the older students, and when she displayed even a few of the stances taught by her own taijutsu instructor they had been very quick to correct her.

Considering his own animosity towards the fake carnivore who lead the village, Naruto made no mention of it when he had to tolerate the man's presence in the same room as him.

When he was six, Naruto had enough.

"I plan to leave this pathetic village and never come back."

"I'll help, but I can't go with you. It would raise too many alarms for my dad to just up and leave without much explanation," said Tenten.

Naruto kept quiet. While he enjoyed Tenten's company, the simple fact was that he would likely get farther alone since he was used to caring for himself and had no way to verify if the slightly older girl was worth the trouble of bringing.

Children preferred the stability of their families and her father was unlikely to agree to the idea of leaving without trying to talk him out of it.

He timed his escape perfectly, though he was surprised and slightly touched by the gift Tenten made him.

It was a pair of collapsible tonfas, almost _identical_ to the ones he had before he was somehow reborn.

Naruto looked at his new weapons, then at a slightly nervous Tenten.

"If you're going to leave, then you need proper weapons to fight with. Those wooden ones you managed to keep the teachers from confiscating aren't going to hold up against any real shinobi or bandits."

"Thank you," he said sincerely, his smile almost blinding. He had to wonder why Tenten blushed at the sight of it.

With his weapons back, Naruto had everything he would need to bite any pathetic excuse for a fake carnivore to death when he left. He was, after all, a lone wolf who had no need of frivolity.

"Just remember me if we see each other down the road, okay?"

Naruto memorized her features. He would not forget his first and only friend who had been kind enough to help him escape. He lightly kissed her on the cheek in thanks, causing her blush to get even worse.

"Where are you headed?"

"I have no specific destination, thus I can't give you any details. Besides, the second the fake carnivore monkey finds out I'm gone he will undoubtedly use those blond herbivores with the skill to look through minds to find out if you knew anything. He seems determined to make me believe this pathetic village full of lying herbivores is something I should protect when they have given me absolutely no reason to do so, much less secured my loyalty in the first place," said Naruto.

Tenten nodded. Sadly that made far too much sense.

During the Kyuubi festival, the timers Naruto had placed set off several massive fireworks in the streets without bothering to aim them towards the sky. During the chaos and pandemonium, his 'minders' slipped away to help out since he was expertly pretending to sleep, leaving only the rookie of the team to watch him.

He slipped out the gates, making sure to avoid the sensory seals he had memorized the locations of and any of the stronger fake carnivores that guarded the wall. There was a small hole that was just big enough for someone of his size to slip through, and within seconds he was gone.

The first thing he did was dye his distinctive red hair a more familiar and sedate black. The next thing he did was hide his whisker marks with a bit of make-up he borrowed from the whorehouse close to his apartment...it was low quality enough that no one would miss it. That annoying Cloud herbivore from his last life was finally proving useful as he expertly cloaked the whisker marks on his cheeks.

Next was the clothes...he detested orange and managed to find a far more appealing purple colored shirt that was so dark it was almost black and some well worn shorts that were easily tied around his waist. The shirt was big enough to hide his tonfas in without notice.

Once he found a proper reflective surface, he checked the transformation. While he was actually rather good at the henge technique, it was far too easily dispelled and he knew for a fact there were seals to detect active transformations. Sometimes going old school was the best option, especially since he normally kept to himself back in Konoha to begin with, spending _hours_ in the forests and around the wildlife.

He barely tolerated the lying herbivores in the village to begin with, and had zero intention of crowding with them if he had the option to avoid it.

His disguise in place, Naruto didn't try overly hard to 'blend in'. As he knew rather well, the best way to hide in plain sight when people were actively looking for you was to act like you had every right to be there. Looking over your shoulder was just a major tip-off that you had done something that warranted being bitten to death.

He had seen it enough times with the herbivores in his old life that had tried to hide they had done something to earn his ire back when he was the demon prefect.

He had to hide a sinister smirk as he watched the fake carnivores from the village glance at him, then dismiss his existence entirely as they searched for him.

It was easy to get himself attached to a caravan heading to other villages...women were suckers for the 'puppy dog' look and one demonstration of his ability to fight (via beating some of the older, tougher men into the ground with ease) and the leader of the caravan was all too happy to let the skinny waif join them so long as he held his own weight and didn't slow them down.

The fact he bit several bandits to death and made a point to catch wild game like an expert only endeared him to the men, and the women found him adorable, if a tad too violent.

The older children treated him like an annoying younger brother, while the few children younger than him saw him as a protective older brother...he did more work keeping them out of trouble than anything, seeing as the civilians were disinclined to make him hunt or fight unless absolutely necessary.

Sure, the pace was slow but it was worth it for every mile he put between him and that lying herbivore village.

* * *

Naruto's first impression of Sunagakure was that it was big, hot and reminded him far too much of the fake herbivore village for him to tolerate spending even a second longer than he had to before the caravan moved on.

That is, until night fell and a loud roar echoed through the village.

"Oh gods...the demon brat has lost it again!" moaned the caravan leader. Naruto didn't bother to remember his name overly much, and by this time most of the adults had learned to tolerate his quirk of using animal analogies.

Naruto perked up at the words "demon" and "brat" in the same sentence, and managed to slip past the adults to find out the source of the commotion.

His sharp eyes spotted a small child about the same age as him with bright red hair, apparently asleep on top of a massive raccoon-dog made of sand. From what the adults were saying, this creature appeared every time the child was asleep and went on a rampage.

His eyes _gleamed._

Finally, a decent fight!

Naruto raced past the adults, which was tragically easy for someone like him and managed to run up the leg of the massive raccoon dog.

With an expert flip, he got onto the head...and the creature seemed to realize he was there because it's eye looked _right_ at him.

It tried to swipe at him, but he was faster...he smacked the head of the child attached to the sand hard enough that they woke up.

"_**NO! NOT WHEN I FINALLY HAD A CHANCE TO COME OUT AFTER SO LONG!"**_

Naruto caught the girl and vanished...he wanted to know if she could bring out the monster again at will so he could play with it properly after he trained his body up.

"...What the fuck just happened?" asked Risa, one of the kunoichi who was supposed to keep the brat from falling asleep.

"I think the brat just got kidnapped...by another brat."

"...Not it."

"Not it?"

"I'm not telling the Kazekage that a mere _brat_ woke her up and stopped the Shukaku's rampage before he showed up. And then took off with her."

"...I think I hate you."

* * *

Perhaps it was fate, perhaps it was just his luck, but when the Kazekage found out about his fighting ability and the fact he was able to get close to Gaia (the baby raccoon who contained the massive sand tanuki carnivore) without the sand shield coming out, the kage decided to give the brat a generous 'offer', seeing as he was a 'civilian'.

He was giving him the option to become a member of the Suna shinobi corps, on Gaia's team. Which meant he would have plenty of opportunity to 'play' with Shukaku so long as it was kept outside the village limits and away from anyone important.

And to sweeten the deal, he was even "allowing" the small child to "play" with any of the shinobi he liked so long as he didn't kill them outright. Civilians were a no-go unless they attacked first or gave sufficient provocation, but it was still more than the fake carnivore monkey had ever permitted.

Suna had an unstable weapon in the form of the Kazekage's youngest daughter. They could handle a violent little brat with a love for tonfas and small animals, so long as he kept to the same restrictions the full shinobi had while in the village.

After all, they had been losing money for some time now because the Daimyo kept sending missions to Konoha and cutting their funding. If the kid was good enough to toughen up their forces, then he would be well worth the headache of dealing with his odd quirks. And if not, well then perhaps he could at least keep Gaia on a leash long enough to be worth the headaches they had dealing with her.

Naruto's eyes gleamed at the offer. He was liking this village far more than Konoha already.

Even if he had to keep his whiskers hidden until he could fake them being scars from a training accident or something.

(The Kazekage would later learn to hate the phrase "I will bite you to death"...even if it did lead to a number of his men suddenly developing a much higher proficiency in taijutsu and a hatred towards children everywhere.)

* * *

_Third POV_

Temari looked at the tiny, vicious kid named Hibari Kyouya (or so he claimed) and then at her sister Gaia who was meditating peacefully next to the boy. At the tender age of nine, the fan-using future kunoichi had a sudden strange epiphany...namely that should the two grow up into adults, or at least jounin, that the Skylark was going to end up as her future brother-in-law.

She didn't know why she had that thought.

Perhaps it was the fact that Kyouya didn't treat Gaia like a monster, but a small animal that he would secretly spoil and train. Or the fact that he found Shukaku a "fun challenge" rather than a terrifying monster, and seemed to understand that Gaia wasn't an extension of the beast but merely it's prison. Or it could have been the knowledge that Kyouya, despite being at least ten months younger than Gaia, was already skilled and strong enough to take out fully grown Jounin.

Temari had to pause at that thought and hide a wicked laugh. She had thought that particular rumor was a joke until she heard it confirmed from the boy's victim personally while visiting her father. The jounin was beyond mortified that he had gotten his ass thoroughly kicked by a kid who wasn't even _eight_ yet, much less had any decent training as a shinobi.

In the coming years that particular jounin would become vindicated in his humiliation as rumors began to spread out of Suna about a "demon Skylark" that seemed to keep the Jinchuriki on some sort of leash. Sure, Gaia was terrifying with that sand defense of hers and the occasional rampage _outside_ the walls of the village where the Shukaku could really let loose...but at least _she_ didn't actively seek out new playmates to "bite to death".

Temari felt her words rather prophetic when, every time she had to do the introductions of her team she would always refer to Kyouya as her "future brother-in-law", much to the annoyance of her jounin instructor.

On the plus side, she wouldn't be lacking in entertainment in the coming years.


	2. Chapter 2

Temari was more than slightly irritated at the oblivious nature of Kyouya, to say nothing of how shy Gaia actually _was_ in regards to her open crush on the boy.

Though she would admit, she found the fact her little sister was a total Yandere slightly hilarious. Just as Kyouya had already decided to mark Suna his 'territory', Gaia had unequivocally marked him as _hers_ by the time puberty hit and she discovered the joys of hormones. To add into the fun, she had realized that Kyouya was a bit of a tsundere who hid behind the act of a lone wolf protecting his territory, but was a total softie when it came to small animals...whether actual animals or small children who needed protecting.

She found the fact he called Gaia his "misbehaving raccoon" beyond adorable, because it meant he did acknowledge that he had feelings for her little sister that could potentially lead into actual love.

Temari would be the first to admit Kyouya was good for Suna. Especially for her family.

Gaia finally had someone to rely on emotionally, her father wasn't trying to actively murder her little sister anymore, and Temari had a brother she could stand that treated her like an actual _warrior_ who was worth challenging to a fight on a regular basis.

She had gotten really good at taijutsu and using her small tessen challegning Kyouya than she had the adults. He didn't hold back, but more importantly he treated her like a potential equal and was willing to help correct her fighting style if he saw a flaw in it.

Temari was looking forward to the next caravan. She had heard from father that a nomadic ex-shinobi who specialized in taijutsu and fire-element techniques would be visiting and she really wanted to beat Kyouya for once in their spars. She hoped he would be willing to teach her a few tricks.

As the caravan drew closer, she noticed Kyouya observing them from a distance, with Gaia his silent shadow. Odds were he was on the lookout for trouble, as he somehow had the ability to ferret out shinobi who were disguised as civilians.

It didn't matter _how_ good their cover was, or how thoroughly they hid themselves...he could sniff them out within an hour and he always made a point to alert the jounin in charge of security of their existence and a general idea of what they were disguised as.

Because of Kyouya, the number of foreign shinobi not there on official business or just plain attempting to spy on them dropped to almost _nothing_ within three years. He had already chased out Jiraiya of the Sannin five times, and earned the vocal approval of the kunoichi in the village because he had busted the man peeping on them and had promptly beaten the living hell out of him before they had a chance to.

Kyouya considered such acts _beneath_ him, and made it very clear he wouldn't tolerate such behavior. Whether that would continue once he hit puberty was up for debate, but the women loved him for being so proactive against the perverts.

He barely tolerated the infamous _Icha Icha_ books in his presence.

Temari was rather confused when Kyouya suddenly straightened and a strange gleam entered his eyes. She wanted to groan when his now trademark tonfa made their appearance and a look of glee entered his expression.

Clearly he had caught wind of the taijutsu master and was planning to play with him first. Terrific.

The moment the caravan came into the village proper, Kyouya made a beeline for a man in red. Then he did something that threw everyone off, especially the ex-shinobi.

"_Smiling carnivore, for taking so long to find me I will bite you to death!"_

Temari didn't recognize that language at all, and neither did anyone else...save for the ex-shinobi.

He stared at Kyouya in absolute _shock_ before a broad and almost wicked smile appeared on his face.

He easily caught the tonfa before it had a chance to smash his face in and gave an indulgent chuckle.

"Somehow it doesn't surprise me that you are here too, Kyouya," he said with open fondness.

It was clear the two had known each other before, and Temari had a sneaking suspicion she had just discovered why Kyouya was so good with those weapons, despite lacking formal shinobi training.

Her eyes gleamed, because if Arashi could get _Kyouya_ to be that good, then perhaps he could help her improve as well?

_Later that night_

Kyouya was waiting for him in a relatively abandoned training ground. By this point he was well known enough to be trusted without someone to keep an eye on him.

The first thing Arashi did when he spotted the boy...was pull him into a hug. In an uncharateristic show of emotion and sentiment, the boy hugged the man back just as hard.

"My little Kyouya...if I had known you were here I would have come looking for you."

Kyouya snuggled into his side, happy and somewhat relieved to have someone, _anyone_ he recognized from his last life here with him. Even if it was his smiling carnivore of a grandfather, the former Storm Arcobaleno Fon.

Fon gently ruffled Kyouya's hair and noticed the dye present. As well as the expertly applied make-up on his face.

"Kyouya, why do you have make-up on your face?" asked Fon with concern.

Kyouya took out a pad and carefully wiped away a small section, revealing distinctive whisker marks.

"I couldn't stand being in that fake herbivore village, so I ran away. However the markings were too distinct so I had to hide them and I haven't found a way to fake a training accident to explain their presence."

"Oh Kyouya," said Fon with sympathy. "What village are you hiding from?"

"The one with the fake carnivore monkey for a leader," said Kyouya, scowling. "He wouldn't let me bite anyone to death for the amount disrespect to a carnivore and he kept confiscating my tonfas. Worse, he refused to take control over the pathetic herbivores that made up the village even though they made it clear they would have been happy to see me dead in a ditch somewhere. More than few of the shops tried to sell me bad food and I wasn't allowed to discipline them against it."

That was the thing Kyouya despised about Konoha the most. As the leader of the strongest village, the fake carnivore should have kept better control over the herbivores. Instead, he openly _allowed_ them to try and sell a child expired or bad food and treat him like something they had scrapped off the bottom of their shoe, with only a slap on the wrist for their behavior. As if that wasn't enough it was abundantly obvious the man was allowing the herbivores to chain him and follow their demands instead of the other way around.

Herbivores only respected carnivores so long as the carnivores remembered to put said people in their place. Allowing them to run roughshod over a child was just a major sign the fake carnivore monkey wasn't worthy to lead anymore.

Fon ran that description through his mental "Kyouya-filter" before his eyes widened.

There was only _one_ hidden village leader who had a "monkey" in charge, and that was Konoha. Add in the whisker marks and he had a sudden epiphany what name Kyouya had been given before he decided to use his old one.

Now, to find out who the adorable little red head with the kanji for "love" was and why she was stalking Kyouya like a determined shadow.

* * *

_Third POV_

"So Arashi is your grandfather? Why didn't he take you in?" asked Temari.

"He didn't know I was alive after the attack," said Kyouya. "To be fair, he wasn't particularly impressed with Konoha and it's debateable whether the Hokage would have let him take me in anyway, since he's not tied to the village in any significant way."

Which was true. Not only did Fon have no idea Kyouya had been reincarnated as well, but if he _had_ attempted to adopt Kyouya he would have had to jump through far too much red tape and political issues. By the time it went through, Kyouya could have well been a chunin which would have made the point moot.

Considering Fon was willing to train some of the older shinobi im taijutsu styles that actually _suited_ them, he was allowed to act as Kyouya's legal guardian. Mostly that meant he'd visit Suna far more often to check in on his grandson.

Temari was just thrilled he knew a few styles of tessenjutsu that she had never seen before and was willing to write them down so that she could practice them whenever he wasn't in the village. Also, she found herself with a willing and far too amused accomplice in pushing Gaia and Kyouya together discreetly, since Kyouya was nothing if not stubborn as a mule if he thought he was being tricked into something.

It was so nice to find someone else who shipped Gaia/Kyouya!

* * *

_Time Skip- Kyouya, Age: 15, Gaia, Age: 16_

If there was one place Kyouya detested, it was Konoha. From all the reports Fon was willing to share, it hadn't change _at all_ since he abandoned the place.

At least he was a fully fledged member of the Suna shinobi corps, which meant if the Hokage or anyone that was loyal to him _did_ recognize him by some stroke of luck, then they would have a hell of a time trying to 'reacquire' him as their weapon.

He was not particularly amused learning he had the Kyuubi in his body, but he had taught that overgrown kitsune it's place. It had taken a 'chat' with Fon before the fox figured out the only way it _wasn't_ going to get it's ass kicked by the mental avatar of his old body at it's peak (complete with box weapon) was to turn into a chibi-version of itself complete with puppy eyes.

The thing looked too cute to kick, so he allowed it's dignity to mostly remain intact so long as it understood the pecking order. On an unrelated note, by gaining the fox's respect he had access to _most_ of it's power. It was just the higher levels were far too noticeable and he didn't want the Kazekage to find out that he had access to _two_ Jinchuriki.

If he knew that he had the stable and mostly sane Kyuubi host hidden among his village, he wouldn't hesitate to dispose of Gaia who was more than happy to act in the place of Kusakabe. That or as a very loyal secretary.

She had become far more mellow since she finally confessed her feelings...and Fon had the balls to shoot him with a high level aphrodisiac and locked them into a room with no exits for three days.

(It wasn't actually _Fon_ who hit Kyouya, but Temari. He just supplied the necessary items and she gleefully implimented the agreed plan to get the two together, even if it meant the rather terrifying combination of a violent Tsundere and Yandere.)

He was not discussing his sex life with the smiling carnivore. Not a chance in hell. At least shinobi had access to far more useful contraceptives than had been available in his old life. It was a standard issue jutsu and Temari had made damn sure her sister had it mastered before she shot Kyouya.

So Kyouya was not impressed in the least that he was being forced to _return_ to Konoha for something as stupid as the Chunin exam. Fortunately he wasn't being force to actually participate in the exam as he had been given a field promotion a few months ago. However as Gaia's official minder he had to go with her to insure she didn't snap and go on a rampage in a "friendly" village.

Despite the fact that Kyouya would lose absolutely no sleep over it if she did and would likely cheer his bloodthirsty girlfriend on. With popcorn to watch the show and likely some beer.

He felt his disgust rise the closer they got to Konoha. Though he did have to smirk a bit when they passed through Wave country and saw the "Skylark Bridge".

Konoha had gotten a request two years ago to protect a bridge builder from 'bandits', except the man had underrated the mission as there were ex-shinobi against them.

After they ran into the weaklings known as the Demon Brothers, the team that had taken the mission had tucked tail and ran. So in retaliation the pathetic fake carnivore Gato had the man's daughter kidnapped...fortunately his grandson hadn't been in the house at the time as he had been sulking in the woods.

Desperate, Tazuna had gone to the next closest shinobi village and explained the issue. He was fortunate that Kyouya and the team had just returned...because he only had to hear that the Konoha shinobi had been too cowardly before he convinced the Kazekage to accept the mission in exchange for a discount on fish, traded goods and the knowledge that the team would be raiding Gato's main base for the rest of the payment.

They came out of the deal with a regular supply of fresh fish (delivered via seals), an almost nonexistent tax on good traded via Wave bound for Suna, and at least three times what the actual mission was worth along with some valuable intel and an information network that was seized the second they realized what they had gotten their hands on.

All because Konoha was too weak and cowardly to continue the mission on the off-chance of encountering stronger shinobi. At most they should have just sent for back-up, rather than retreat.

As an added bonus, Tazuna decided to name the new bridge after the teen who had convinced the kage to accept the mission...and who had almost single-handedly bitten the mercenaries and remaining shinobi to death.

Kyouya got a measure of dark pride every time he thought about it. Even if the client's daughter had almost been broken in mind by the time they arrived.

In a show of female solidarity, Temari and Gaia had a sisterly bonding moment dealing with the trash that had been party to Tsunami's condition.

Seeing the familiar gates of Konoha looming ahead, Kyouya's own mood darkened.

At least he had made a deal with the Kyuubi and his hair was now permanently 'set' to black. He could undergo a perfect transformation at will (one of the perks to being bonded with a high-level kitsune, even prior to his actual birth thanks to the fact his mother was the previous host), but at least he wouldn't have to mess with dye anymore. That had been rather annoying.

The whisker marks were impossible to remove, and he refused to get a face mask as he remembered a certain pervert that had watched him numerous times having one.

So instead he went a different route. He wore a long scarf that concealed the lower half of his face when he didn't want anyone to notice the markings on his cheeks, which also doubled to keep the sand out of his nose and mouth when the wind was high.

Not that he really _needed_ it since Gaia could _literally_ control all the sand within a five meter radius if in the mood, but it was still useful.

He was not happy to be back in this den of lying herbivores. At all.


	3. Chapter 3

**Currently in the process of moving to a new place. Hope you all enjoy the updates!**

* * *

"Misbehaving Raccoon, enough," said Kyouya calmly.

Gaia had been within a second of maiming the loud omnivore for life, if he didn't receive absolutely top-notch care from someone at Tsunade's level.

She paused and looked at her boyfriend.

"Leave the loud omnivore alone," repeated Kyouya.

She looked at Lee, and then at Kyouya. The choice was clear to her, because the sand receded back into her special gourd at her side which hung like an odd sort of purse. It was a gift from Kyouya that had a ridiculous number of special seals that allowed her to carry almost a thousand times more than what it looked capable of.

"Winner, Gaia," coughed the jounin in charge of the selection exam.

Tenten raced to Lee's side, hugging him tightly with relief. For a second she thought his shinobi career was over permanently. She looked at the raven-haired chunin with thanks.

Her eyes widened in recognition when he held up a pair of battered, but well loved tonfa.

She knew those weapons.

Gaia walked up to her boyfriend, and he pulled her close.

"Good raccoon," he said quietly. She almost purred against him.

"Why did you spare that brat?" demanded Kankuro. "He's loud and obnoxious, and his chakra levels are so low he would never make it past chunin at best."

Temari looked at Kyouya as well.

"I owed his female teammate a debt," replied Kyouya cryptically. "If not for her, I would have had considerable difficulty making it to Suna in the first place. Besides, if he was put under the instruction of someone like Arashi, his skills would more than make up for the lack of chakra."

Kyouya had no doubt that if Fon were to awaken Lee's flames, he would be a Lightning or possibly Sun (a certain "extreme" headache came to mind), at the very least. That would more than make up for his inability to use chakra properly.

"Is this the sort of debt that will bite us in the ass later?" asked Temari, looking at her sister warily.

Nothing set off Gaia more than another woman attempting to infringe on her boyfriend, and most of the women in Suna had wisely learned to keep their mouths shut and their eyes averted unless talking directly to the man in question. Anything that caught Gaia's attention as a potential rival tended to get a late night visit and a warning not to touch her boyfriend or she would happily and brutally murder the opposing party. In their sleep. Along with their families. And the pets too, for good measure.

It had only happened _twice_, that Temari knew of, but she still found it vastly entertaining because her sister was such a yandere and at least only went after the idiots too stupid to know Kyouya was already taken and had actively flirted with him.

Kyouya, when he found out what had happened, had been darkly pleased and a rather suspicious smirk had come across his face... Temari had to sigh in exasperation once the news hit, because both times her sister had an odd limp for several hours.

The two made a cute, if highly violent and bloodthirsty couple. But there was no doubt in her mind that Kyouya genuinely loved her little sister and that Gaia was absolutely smitten with her boyfriend.

Or perhaps obsessed was a better way to put it. At least she had the security of knowing Kyouya would never attempt to sleep around...he barely had interest in females at all, and it had taken Gaia to make the first move before they finally made it official.

Kyouya shook his head.

"She's the only friend I had in the Academy and she gave me the tonfas I had when I left home. The fake carnivore kept confiscating them as soon as I got them for some ridiculous reason," scowled Kyouya.

* * *

_Two days later..._

"Pathetic pervert, what have I said about spying on women in the bath?" snarled a far too familiar voice.

Jiraiya paled and slowly turned. There, in all his glory, was the demon Skylark brat. No one had told him this bastard would be in Konoha _now_ of all times! There were only supposed to be three-man teams entered!

"Can we talk?" asked Jiraiya nervously.

"You tried to peep on my girlfriend and her sister. You lost the chance to talk it out," said Kyouya coldly.

Jiraiya's screams for mercy were heard loud and clear over the fence.

Anko wanted to find the cause, if only to take notes.

So you could imagine her surprise seeing a raven-haired teen with familiar whisker-mark patterns on his cheeks and tonfas glowing with a purple tint beating the living shit out of the sannin.

"...Kyouya?" said Anko in disbelief.

The teen paused in his maiming of the pervert, and being no fool Jiraiya high-tailed it out of there.

He looked at her in the eye, before recognition hit.

"Hmph. Viper. Or should I call you Mammon?"

It was definitely him.

The Mist Arcobaleno came to the forefront while the snarky and rather eccentric Anko took a back seat for the moment.

"Mu. I wasn't aware you were here as well."

"I _was_ here, until I left. I'm more surprised Fon hasn't come across you yet."

"Fon's here too?!" said Viper in shock.

"He goes by the name Arashi, formerly of Kumo."

She should have known, she really should have.

Though now that she got a good look at him (coupled with what she remembered of a certain red haired menace who had disappeared close to a decade ago), she had a sudden epiphany who Kyouya _was_ before he started using his old name.

Well, far be it for her to enlighten the old monkey where the fox-brat went. It was pretty damn obvious why Naruto left, since he still had his Cloud flames like before.

A wicked thought crossed her mind.

"Meet me in the Forest of Death later. I've got a few things to show you."

"Just to warn you, I am bringing my girlfriend if only so she doesn't try to stalk us later."

Now she had to see who was ballsy enough to date the carnivore brat.

(On an unrelated note, Fon felt a premonition of doom when Anko showed Kyouya and Gaia how to use the Shadow Clone jutsu, the Clone Explosion jutsu, and the Shadow Weapon jutsu. The unholy gleam in Kyouya's eyes when he realized his Cloud flames worked on overdrive when it came to solid clones...even if they were only a_ fraction_ of his actual strength...was enough to give even Kage nightmares. Especially the sheer quantity he could unleash thanks to his absurd chakra stores.)

* * *

"Naruto?" said Tenten, when she saw who walked into the store.

The teen smirked at her, looking far more assure of himself and positively drool-worthy to boot.

This wasn't the scrawny, underfed runt who had picked a fight with the stronger adults for their treatment...this was an alpha wolf who had almost grown into his full strength and was capable of toppling mountains if inclined. A demon to fight against, but a staunch and loyal companion if he deemed you were worthy of it.

"Panda," he replied.

Tenten scowled.

"I am not a panda!" she said irate.

No one dared to call her that since Naruto left...not since she got her first proper set of kunai and started making regular sacrifices to the gods of sharp and pointy death.

Still, she got over her ire long enough to come past the counter... and pulled the befuddled teen into a strong hug.

"Thank you for sparing Lee. Though how did you call the girl off?"

"She's my girlfriend. Besides, I owed you."

Tenten pulled back to get a good look at her old friend. He had filled out in several ways, and was enough to make any woman's head turn for a second (or fourth) look. Especially kunoichi, who would be able to sense this was a real man who had almost hit his full growth and would likely be a tiger in the bedroom.

Then she realized something important. He was wearing a Suna headband on his left arm, and a chunin's vest.

"Suna?"

"The Kazekage was far more reasonable than that pathetic fake carnivore monkey, and he doesn't let the civilians tell him what to do," said Kyouya darkly. "And it's Hibari Kyouya now."

"Wait... _you're_ the Demon Skylark?!" said Tenten in shock. Kyouya's smirk was more than telling. She groaned. "You lucky bastard... do you have _any_ idea how hard it is to get into the BINGO book before you even make Chunin? How the hell did you get listed as a B-rank threat before you were thirteen?!"

"Long story short, the Fire Daimyo was visiting the Wind Daimyo who was inspecting the village to find out where the sudden influx of fresh fish and increased trade was coming from, because the Wind Daimyo thought we were trying to cut him out in retaliation for sending so many missions to Konoha. They happened to see me 'playing' with my girlfriend outside the village, and were sufficiently impressed (read: terrified) enough that in less than two weeks my name was put into the books at B-rank."

It would have been _higher_, except none of the Kage (except the Kazekage) were willing to accept the threat of a genin as _serious_ enough to be higher than an B-rank at best. Especially since the kid was only thirteen. Even Gaia only had a high B-rank in the BINGO book, and that was mostly because of her high kill count and the fact her effectiveness went down depending on where she was.

(Though the fact she would happily murder families down to their pets if she caught any woman flirting with her boyfriend had been noted in the books as well, to Temari's open amusement.)

Tenten was just glad her old friend was happy, even if he wasn't a comrade. Then again she had noticed how horribly he was treated and how quick the adults were to blame him for anything and everything, especially if he tried to defend himself. She didn't blame him in the _least_ for leaving, let alone joining another village.

He honestly didn't deserve _half_ the crap he went through.

Kyouya...was glad to reconnect with his only friend in this dump.

"Why is your loud friend trying so hard in a mere exam to the point of using self-destructive techniques?"

"He wants to beat Neji. As much as I love my team, Neji is a bit of an ass. He has something to prove because he's from the branch of the Hyuuga clan and something of a genius, whereas Lee..."

"Was likely dead last after I ran off. Especially with his inability to use chakra properly," finished Kyouya. "Hyuga...they were the pale eyed bastards who were extra snobby because they were a 'noble' clan, weren't they?"

"Next to the Uchiha, who were just as bad before the massacre, yes," said Tenten, eyes narrowing.

Kyouya smirked...it wasn't a nice one.

"How about a deal then. The tonfas you gave me before could use a replacement set, and I happen to know of a way that Lee could even the odds against him when it comes to beating those arrogant assholes. Of course I won't go easy on him, but from what I've seen he can take the punches I'll be giving him."

Tenten smirked. She might care for Neji, but his ego could use a good bashing to hopefully bring it down to _manageable_ levels.

"A new pair of tonfa in exchange for a little...extra training...for Lee?"

Kyouya smirked at her.

"I can give you enough cash to buy chakra conductive metals, so long as the labor to make them is free."

"Deal," said Tenten, and they shook on it.

"Oh and before I forget... Gaia, you can quit skulking now. You really need to learn how to conceal yourself better."

The red-head sulked as she appeared out of nowhere.

"I still say that cheat of yours is unfair."

"Not my fault that overgrown sand rat tends to tip me off when you're there," said Kyouya smugly.

"...I really don't want to know," said Tenten, deadpan.

* * *

The first clue Lee had that his the next month was going to be extra painful was the sudden and abrupt attack via an enthusiastic Skylark.

The second was Tenten explaining to their sensei that she had made a deal with the 'devil', figuratively speaking, in exchange for some weapons made out of chakra conductive metal. All because she wanted to see Neji get his ass kicked by Lee for once and give him an edge since his chakra was so wonky.

The final clue was the thumbs up Gai gave to Kyouya, who's gleam had only gotten worse after the first hour when the Jounin realized Kyouya only intended to spar with Lee and forcibly improve his taijutsu skills. A 'trial by fire', literally in this case.

Lee was going to be in for a _very_ rough month. Kyouya would insure it.


	4. Chapter 4

It wasn't an exaggeration to say that the stadium was going to be packed full of people who wanted to see the prospective genin beat each other bloody and show off for their villages. It was a source of pride that most of the finalists were Konoha genin, with only the Kazekage's children being the odd ones out.

Kyouya was decidedly annoyed because he had gotten roped to act as 'security' for the Kazekage. Which was understandable...he was more than a match for an entire team of ANBU and there had been unrest after the revelation Orochimaru had been in the village and marked one of the genin. Clearly he had something in mind and was going to implement it soon.

Considering the secret meetings the Kazekage had been in before they even came here, Kyouya had the distinct feeling that Orochimaru had sweet-talked them into invading the place.

The only reason he had kept his mouth shut was this.

He knew damn well that the man he was 'guarding' wasn't the Kazekage, and the second he alerted his fellow shinobi to that fact the entire plan would go to hell in a hurry. He highly doubted the treacherous snake had left the Kazekage alive, so he just needed to expose the bastard at the right time.

At least he would be on hand to ruin the sannin's plan and give that fake carnivore monkey a _nasty_ wake-up call.

Thanks to the fact he ran into the Wind Daimyo early (who had been invited by his 'cousin' the Fire Daimyo) and the approval of the Suna council, Kyouya would be allowed to marry Gaia once they were back home in Suna, so long as she put up a good enough showing in the chunin exam to be promoted.

She wouldn't be expected to have children right off the bat... mostly because giving birth made the seal very unstable and Kyouya had heard _rumors_ about what happened to the Kyuubi's last host (and how the fox actually got out) via Fon. None of the Suna council wanted to deal with the Shukaku so soon after the invasion, especially since thanks to Kyouya the host was stable enough to be used in the defense of the village.

At least...not until they found a new host and a proper _seal _for the damn thing this time. One Gaia was enough, thank you, even if Kyouya managed to tweak her seal so that she could sleep for limited amounts of time a month before the Shukaku had a chance to come out and go on a rampage.

So he waited, and watched.

On the plus side, he had at least helped Lee to awaken his Lighting Flames with a _very_ strong Sun secondary. Once he was enlightened on how to use them...and via Kyouya's trial by fire, literally, taught how to keep the crude ring lit (it was made of chakra conductive metal)...he soon became a veritable Tank.

Tenten...wanted to gouge her eyes out when she realized that Lee's color scheme was a representation of his soul. Before laughing her ass off at seeing Neji's _perfect_ hair frizz up thanks to Lee's lightning flames.

The horrified shriek the arrogant brat let off was _glorious_.

The fact that Tenten would be using those same lessons for herself (Gai was too old to safely do it) was just bonus.

Seeing that arrogant prick of an Uchiha hurt his girlfriend? _That_ pissed Kyouya off. Fortunately Gaia had learned to get used to the sight of her own blood, so she didn't immediately flip out.

However she was definitely in a mood to permanently maim the bastard now. And it was doubtful Kyouya would call her off this time.

"Kufufufufu..."

Kyouya's head whipped towards Orochimaru...there was _no_ _fucking way_ that the snake prick was the pineapple.

Sarutobi sighed, before he attacked. Orochimaru took to the roof, and Kyouya followed.

He ended up trapped in the box with the two.

"So the little chunin thinks he can match me?" sneered Orochimaru.

Kyouya looked dead at Orochimaru, before he said in perfect Italian...

"_Pineapple bastard, if that is you I am going to bite you to death,"_ he said rather calmly.

(Un?)fortunately, Orochimaru looked rather baffled, as if he didn't understand a word Kyouya just said.

Kyouya's grin grew rather bloodthirsty.

"A pity...then again I suppose Anko would have picked up on the fact if you were him and warned me," said Kyouya. Then he looked at Sarutobi who looked plain confused. He drew his special hand-cuffs, to the confusion of the older two.

With a single handsign, he transformed into his older, more mature self from his past life.

"For killing the Kazekage and allowing the herbivores to control the village from the shadows, I will bite you both to death," said Kyouya, his eyes full of malice and promise of pain.

"Kufufufufu...and what can a little chunin do to _me_?" said Orochimaru.

Kyouya's eyes glinted.

_'Fox carnivore, it's time to show these pathetic fake carnivores who the real threat is.'_

Deep inside his mind, Kurama smirked darkly and began to filter his chakra through Kyouya's body.

While Kyouya didn't particularly _like_ Mists, he would never allow his distaste for their users to prevent him from learning how to use it himself. After all, he had a strong Mist secondary...though somehow he also gained a Sky secondary, he honestly didn't want to be reminded of the omnivore or the pathetic herbivore who used a whip.

The sight of the Kyuubi inside the box was horrifying enough, but when it's familiar _chakra_ made an appearance...well, Sarutobi had a sudden epiphany where Naruto went.

Orochimaru had an epiphany of his own. Namely in the range of how boned he was being in close proximity to a Jinchuriki who was apparently capable of using at least five tail's worth of the demon's chakra on top of maintaining such a terrifying genjutsu without ill effects.

* * *

Gaia was incredibly turned by her boyfriend and was already smirking at the gobsmacked expression on her sibling's faces, as well as Baki's.

"Did you know about this?!" demanded Baki.

"Of course I knew Kyouya had the Kyuubi. He just doesn't like relying on it's power, since it runs the risk of becoming dependent of it," said Gaia smugly.

Temari twitched.

"Are you telling me that my future brother-in-law...is the fucking Kyuubi Jinchuriki?"

"Kyouya knew if the council or the Kazekage found out who he was, they wouldn't hesitate to kill me off. Especially since his seal is more stable than mine and the demon he has is supposedly stronger."

Temari sighed.

"Okay, that's a valid point."

"Why is Kyouya up there in that form?"

"...You mean neither of you noticed the fact that Orochimaru literally took the face of the Kazekage?" asked Gaia confused.

Baki twitched.

"He _what_?"

"Kyouya warned me during intermission through Roll that the chakra signature of the Kazekage felt all wrong, and that he suspected Orochimaru simply used the kage's face to get close to the fake carnivore monkey," said Gaia.

"You know a little detail like that would have been nice to know _hours_ ago!" said Temari twitching.

"...At this point I don't even care anymore," sighed Baki. "Gaia, use your sand to alert the rest of _our_ forces about the betrayal, and that the Kyuubi is on our side."

"Won't Konoha try to reclaim him?" asked Kankuro worried.

"Somehow I have the feeling Konoha isn't going to feel too charitable towards the Kyuubi jinchuriki," said Temari dryly. "And the Fire Daimyo has already seen the power Kyouya has, so if they try to force him back I bet he'd be quick to pull funding if only so he didn't have to pay damages for when Kyouya goes on the warpath in return."

The Fire Daimyo had seen Kyouya leveling decently sized _boulders_ with a single strike, and that was in a good mood, while playing with a Bijuu that was more or less unshackled by it's host on it's own playing field...and winning. Hell, it was even a warning in the BINGO book that trying to claim Kyouya from Gaia would set her off on a very bloody rampage that left no one alive.

The Kyuubi was bad enough, but having _both_ of them on the warpath?

Only an idiot would bring that sort of hell down upon themselves.

* * *

Kyouya was many things, but an idiot was not one of them. After he successfully avoided the Konoha nin once Orochimaru's betrayal had been exposed...along with his status as the missing 'demon fox brat' as they once so _affectionately_ called him, he knew perfectly well the more militant of Konoha wouldn't hesitate to come up with all sorts of excuses and reasons why they weren't going to let him return to his territory.

And that, quite frankly, was unacceptable. He hated lying herbivores and the _Hokage_ had thoroughly destroyed any possible loyalty he MIGHT have had towards the village with his actions and refusal to put the fear of god into the idiot civilians who took out their bad day on an innocent child.

To that end, once Kyouya figured out where they had locked up Gaia and his team, he did the logical thing. Fortunately Anko was on guard duty and understood far too well who she would be up against.

So what if the council could spin this as the perfect excuse to brand her a traitor? She had little doubt that Suna would happily accept her, if only because they would be needing strong shinobi after the mess that was the almost invasion and the severe cutbacks that were almost certain to happen once the Wind Daimyo returned to his home.

If nothing else she could track down that smiling idiot who insisted martial arts were superior to illusions and try to beat the crap out of him. Before dragging his smug ass into the first available space she could find and do unspeakable things to him.

Hey, don't look at her like that! Fon was all kinds of hot last time and she had _seen_ his new appearance in this life and he didn't disappoint.

Which was why the first chance he had, Kyouya broke into the cells containing every Suna shinobi he could find and then he replicated a different diversion to his initial escape.

Namely in the form of the Kyuubi and the Shukaku going at it in the middle of the village.

He hated Mists, but he would be the first to admit that the ability was useful since shinobi couldn't detect it at _all_, let alone dispel it. And while they were too busy trying to contain what _they_ thought were rampaging Bijuu, the Suna shinobi were discreetly making an exit the opposite direction back to home.

Needless to say Kyouya's popularity among the Suna shinobi corps _soared_ after that particular stunt. Even if he mostly did it so that he had plenty of available meat shields between his team and home.

Shinobi were above all practical, and even after he openly admitted that was the main reason he broke them out they still respected him for it, because he was at least honest about the fact he planned to use them as such when asked.

They returned to Suna tired, but more or less intact.

Konoha was going to be _pissed, _and that was AFTER Anko finally parted from her precious dango to dispel Kyouya's illusion.

* * *

The death of the Kazekage was a massive blow, but the morale of the village was surprisingly high. Especially among the shinobi.

Not only was Gaia marrying Kyouya, _finally, _but the revelation that they had the missing Kyuubi Jinchuriki all along was a massive boost to their spirits.

And Kyouya had made it perfectly clear where his allegiance lay when he broke out his fellow shinobi from Konoha's holding cells.

So the only real question was...who was going to replace the Kazekage, and what was the best method to keep Konoha from stealing the one beacon of hope that they had left after this mess?

_Third POV_

"Clearly that Hibari child is the perfect candidate for Kazekage," said one sycophant.

The only real problem with his candidacy was that he was born in Konoha, but honestly that was the only issue with him. Sure, he had a few odd quirks but what powerful shinobi didn't after a few high level missions or five?

In a strange show of solidarity, every member of the council, both shinobi and civilian, agreed with this sentiment. There was only one issue... it was unclear if Kyouya even knew _how_ to lead a village full of shinobi.

He had already overcome several of the hurdles needed to become a kage. He had earned the respect of most of the shinobi (from genin up to the oldest jounin), he had solid ties to the village, he had enough power to back himself up in a fight without support, and he had been fairly close to the previous Kage to the point he had allowed to sign and use one of the rare summon scrolls the village had.

(The last part wasn't a requirement, but it certainly added a lot of brownie points in his favor.)

If an election were to be set up, odds were he would win the position in a landslide.

Now...to see if Kyouya could handle that responsibility, even if it meant the inevitable fact that Gaia would undoubtedly act as his secretary.


	5. Chapter 5

**Updates will be slow coming because I am currently in the process of moving.**

* * *

Jiraiya had a headache, and no amount of womanizing or sake would fix it.

He had been upset when he learned his godson had quite literally run away from Konoha, on his_ birthday_ no less, without any warning at all before he was even eight.

He had been distraught when there was no sign of said child, dead or alive, for nearly a full decade.

He had been shocked when, out of the blue, his godson suddenly _reappeared_ in the middle of a fight between Kage-level opponents...and proceeded to kick the ass of both, particularly Sarutobi-sensei who he made it clear he absolutely _hated_ for some reason.

The same brat who had kicked _his_ ass every time he tried to peep on the lovely ladies within range of the Hidden Sand Village, or any number of towns within Wind's territory. The same child who had earned the nickname "Demon Skylark" just shy of being an _actual teenager_ and was promptly given a B-rank bounty without hesitation by several different sources...mostly because no one would really take the idea of a mere_ kid_ earning anything higher than that seriously until they had a run-in with them personally.

So yes, Jiraiya had a headache that his godson had been in Suna the entire time and no one had a single _clue_, because the kid had been a hell of a lot smarter than anyone would have dared given him credit for.

After all, who would have expected Naruto to go so far as change his name, dye his hair, and hide his whisker marks before hiding among the Suna shinobi corps?

Which was why, despite the mission he had been given, the first thing Jiraiya did upon finding Tsunade wasn't to try and convince her to return to Konoha...but to get drop dead drunk and complain to a semi-sympathetic ear.

Though who she was sympathetic to would have been up for debate, in all honesty.

Tsunade stared at her old teammate in disbelief.

"So let me get this straight... the kid your student had got so fed up with Sensei's bullshit that he managed to ditch the village after creating a rather impressive distraction, then hid himself so well that no one found him before he reached Suna and somehow became one of their genin. _Then_ he shows up in the Chunin exams and proceeds to kick not only Orochimaru's ass, but he put Sensei into traction. Have I got that so far?"

"Pretty much," said Jiraiya, already too drunk to give a damn about much of anything.

"Any idea why he beat the old man up more than he did Orochimaru?"

Orochimaru had been able to flee under his own power. Sarutobi was in a full-body cast but was expected to make a full recovery...eventually.

"I wish I did. All I know is that Naruto...or I suppose I should call him Kyouya now...made a point to beat the shit out of sensei far more than he did Orochimaru," said Jiraiya. He took a long pull of his sake.

Someone coughed.

Jiraiya turned to glare...only to find an amused Arashi staring at them both.

"Did I just hear you say the name Kyouya? As in the Demon Skylark?"

"What's it to you?" snapped Jiraiya.

"Well if you're going to be rude then I won't enlighten you as to why Kyo-chan left your precious village. I have to admit, I fully agree with the fact he did, after confirming even a fraction of what he told me about his treatment in Konoha."

Tsunade looked at Arashi with interest.

"Oh? Pull up a seat," said Tsunade.

Arashi did so, making certain to order only tea.

"So why did he leave?" demanded Jiraiya.

"Long story short, because your Hokage was too cowardly to put his foot down on the obvious neglect and subtle abuse the boy was put through."

"Abuse?" said Tsunade dangerously.

"Kyouya was treated a pariah because of the day he was born and his unusual whisker marks," said Arashi tactfully. "As such the villagers, particularly the civilians, made a point to treat him like he was worse than the most traitorous missing nin while just barely kowtowing to the Hokage's law regarding where the fox went. He was sold expired or bad food, kicked out of stores without even given a chance to buy anything, and was spat upon by most of the village."

"What about physical abuse?" asked Tsunade seriously, already pissed.

"Kyouya took care of that when he was three, according to him. The last time someone tried to beat him up, he nearly killed the man by biting through one of his arteries in the leg when he came too close to his teeth. When word got around that he wasn't going to hesitate to kill if they continued that behavior, they backed off when it came to actually touching him. Of course it didn't help that the Hokage made a point to remove any weapons he could have used to defend himself openly or make his disgust at the harassment known."

"Weapons?" said Jiraiya.

"Kyouya favors tonfas. A weapon easy enough to use even for a civilian. However every time he got his hands on a pair, the Hokage had the ANBU confiscate them because Kyouya would try and change the opinion of the populace by force. After all, if they would not respect the Hokage, then he would make them too afraid of his personal wrath to continue the neglect directly," replied Arashi. He sipped his tea. "Naturally Kyouya was disgusted by the fact that the Hokage allowed the civilians on the council to order him around like a normal shinobi. 'Carnivores should not submit to the ridiculous whims of the herbivores', in his words."

Tsunade snorted.

"So basically he got sick of the fact the Hokage was letting other people dictate his actions despite being the 'strongest' in the village and the actual leader, and decided leaving was a better option. Why Suna though?"

"The Kazekage's youngest went on a rampage because of a flawed seal while he was there. Kyouya is a true warrior...he enjoys a good fight and he was the first one to snap her out of it. So the Kazekage offered him a better deal than Konoha had. He was allowed to 'play' with the older shinobi populace, he would receive _actual_ training, and he would automatically be given a place to live along with a stipend...so long as he kept the Kazekage's daughter from causing any more damage to the village itself. Though I doubt anyone but the girl's sister saw the fact that the two would end up together by the time they were old enough before it actually happened."

Arashi sipped his tea calmly.

"Things couldn't have been that bad...right?"

"The only thing the Third's Law actually forbid was people directly telling others the obvious about where the fox was put. It didn't stop them from treating him like a pariah or encouraging their children to treat him like an outcast. It didn't stop the adults from shunning him or doing everything in their power to sabotage his growth. It didn't stop him from having to defend himself against _grown adults_ with shinobi training who had misplaced ire towards the fox," said Arashi bluntly.

Jiraiya winced.

"Never mind the fact that from what I found out, the Hokage banned any of the clans who wanted to adopt him. Even those who would have treated him like an equal part of the family. I know for a fact the Inuzuka would have jumped at the chance to adopt him, because according to them he was an 'alpha pup', from what their canine familiars told me."

Which made perfect sense, even if Arashi had to laugh when he found out Kyouya had bonded to the falcon summons of Suna.

He even had Hibird back...just in the form of a small falcon.

* * *

Kyouya took one look at the desk...and a horrible feeling of deja-vu.

Except it seemed this time, instead of the Omnivore being trapped behind the desk doing paperwork, fate wanted him to be the leader.

He shuddered with horror.

"Just out of curiosity, is there anything that would keep me from using clones to help with the paperwork? I mean they _are_ extensions of my subconcious and the information would still be imparted to me," said Kyouya.

Baki...paused.

"Actually I have no idea," he admitted. "It's never come up, but I honestly don't see why it would be an issue if you're just using Shadow Clones."

Because no sane shinobi _ever_ wanted to be stuck behind a desk, and shadow clones were extensions of their creator. Any information they learned was automatically sent to the one who made them once they popped.

Kyouya remembered all too well the hell that Tsunayoshi had been stuck with. Unruly subordinates who were all too happy to bury him under the paperwork sent to his desk. A right hand who was one of the worst offenders, when he should have been _helping_ to tame that mountain.

There was only one response to that nightmare.

"Am I allowed to bite anyone who attempts to give me more than a certain amount of paperwork to death as a reminder to keep their destructive habits in line?" he asked, twitching.

Gaia wouldn't dare do that to him...mostly because it would inevitably cut into her time with him...but he wanted assurances he was allowed to discipline anyone stupid enough to try and 'protect' the Kazekage by forcing him to stay at his desk all the time.

Baki snorted.

"If you agree to become Kazekage, no one is going to question someone being put through 'remedial' training. Especially since _you_ are the entire reason our taijutsu skills have shot through the roof in recent years. So long as you limit yourself to reasonable behaviors, no one is going to say a damn thing about it."

Kyouya looked at the desk.

"Fine, I'll act as the head Carnivore...but don't expect me to be as lenient as that fake monkey carnivore of the Leaf when it comes to the civilians or the council. If they want to try and pull half the shit that monkey lets slide I'll demand they defeat one of my clones in a straight fight first before I consider it."

Baki smirked.

Suna would no longer be considered the 'weakest' of the Big Five, with such a superior carnivore at the helm. He would not tolerate the same complacency Konoha had fallen into, nor would he allow the civilians to dictate his actions.

* * *

_Three months later..._

The hat felt heavy, but not because of the actual weight. It was the responsibility behind it.

At least he wasn't going to suffer through this alone.

"How does it feel, _Kazekage-_sama?" said Temari.

Kyouya smirked right back at her.

"I have plans for the village. First thing we're going to do is put the entire village under a full audit."

Temari blinked.

"Why an audit?"

"I keep hearing about how 'terrible' things are because the Daimyo cut funding from us, and that's why our shinobi forces were forced to downsize genin. I want to know _exactly_ how bad things are, and then figure out how to best alter the budgets so that we can focus on other things, like trade agreements and such."

"..."

"You've just be elected Kazekage...and the first thing you want to do is _budgeting_?" said Kankuro incredulous.

"Two words... Shadow Clones."

Kankuro and Temari looked at each other, then at him.

"What do you need us to do?" asked Temari.

"Make sure the shinobi actually turn in their expense reports and help me track down any 'missing' reports that certain important officials have conveniently 'forgotten' about. I want to know how much money the village has, down to the last ryo. For all we know, someone might have been skimming off the top while the previous Kage was oblivious."

"We can do that," said Temari.

"Kankuro, I want you to reach out to the research division, including the puppeteers in the village. Make it clear that if they can put together a _reasonable_ research budget when they turn in their expense reports, I'll see what I can do about making it easier to send out genin teams to get materials and hopefully upgrading our village's sealing knowledge and poison stock," said Kyouya.

Kankuro was grinning now.

"You got it," he said happily.

Having a better budget would be enough to convince the other Puppet Masters and the research division into getting off their ass to turn in the reports. The previous Kage had been _very_ stingy about accepting research budgets, forcing them to suppliment the missing funds through extra missions and cutting into their research.

"What about me?" asked Gaia.

"You're going to be my Right Hand and secretary. Your job is to make a note of anyone who tries to put too much paperwork on my desk in an attempt to make me go through it...and point them out to me so that I can throw them into 'remedial training'," said Kyouya darkly. "I refuse to be tied to the desk because some moron thinks it's funny to cause trouble that _I_ have to sign paperwork for in order to appease other villages. If they're going to be destructive idiots, I'm going to show them what a very bad idea it is to make it _my_ problem."

Temari couldn't help her reaction to hearing that. She desperately tried to hide her cackling, because she could already see some of the older council members trying to bury Kyouya under paperwork only to find a very pissed off Kazekage after their ass ready to bite them to death.

It would be a short, and brutal lesson about not trying to keep the Kazekage tied up with needless forms and paperwork...and it would be _glorious_.

Suna was about to get the upheaval and the swift kick in the ass that it desperately needed.

Temari couldn't wait to see what it would become.


	6. Chapter 6

Kyouya was twitching, and so were his 'aides/minions'.

And who could blame them, really? After a full month and abusing the hell out of the Shadow Clone jutsu, never mind the countless hours and sleepless nights, they had _finally_ compiled a proper idea of what the village budget was like.

It was, to put it quite bluntly, a kami-damned MESS.

"I am never questioning your logic again," said Temari flatly.

The council and the Elders had questioned why his first act as Kage was to put the entire village under a full audit.

When he submitted this report however, it was pretty clear no one would question his ability as a Kage anytime soon.

The entire budget was a complete mess, and if not for the expense reports and forcing people to hand in _factual_ documents regarding their salary and expenditures, they never would have caught it. At least, not as much as they did.

_Three_ civilian merchants had been skimming off the top, shorting the merchandise regularly purchased by the village. One elder was openly siphoning off mission payments through some 'law' that didn't even exist. And five different council members, both shinobi and civilian, were clearly being overpaid.

Considering most of the shinobi corps was living paycheck to paycheck, barely able to take time and actually _train_ their skills, let alone take a freaking vacation...it was no wonder the morale around Suna had been at an all time low.

"I am going to skewer these assholes..." snarled Kankuro.

"No, you're not. You are going to work with the research department and the puppeteer corps and come up with a _reasonable_ budget for the next year. At least until we can reallocate the funds to where they should have been going. Temari, I want you to talk to the hospital and medic division... tell them I want them to come up with an acceptable budget amount and that I want them to focus on trying to train new Iryo Nin. Tell them to stake out the Academy and that they have my permission to approach any children who have the chakra control or natural inclination to memorize how to fix others up. Even if the method is a bit old-fashioned and doesn't use chakra at all."

"You got it," said Temari.

"What about me?" asked Gaia.

"We are going to hold a council meeting, show them the results of the audit...and then give the thieves a brief chance to explain themselves. If they refuse to pay back the money they stole, then you have free reign to crush them. I want to make an example of idiots stupid enough to pull this nonsense and to make them a warning of trying to slip this sort of thing into my paperwork later," said Kyouya flatly.

As it was, the village was down at least ten people by the end of the day.

For the next four months, Suna operated on a 'special budget' while Kyouya allocated the funding back to where it should have been. The shinobi were in much higher spirits, as they were able to properly train again and improve their skills, or in some cases take a very long overdue vacation with the Kage's full blessing...so long as they didn't cause any paperwork to cross his desk.

It only took two 'remedial' lessons before word got out about the Kage's hatred of being forced to clean up after his men. Amusingly, it only endeared Kyouya to the older shinobi... clearly the Kage wasn't about to let his shinobi run wild and act like idiots, despite his young age. He reminded them firmly that there _was_ a pecking order, and he would come down hard on the young idiots who thought themselves gods, clan politics be damned.

During that time, Kyouya sent out the newly 'promoted' chunin, some of which were genin who had pissed off the previous Kazekage to the point a promotion would take a miracle. There were also a couple of newly minted jounin who looked at their young Kage with slight worship in their eyes.

So long as they were loyal and had the skill level, Kyouya didn't give an iota of actual damn about what they had done to piss off the previous Kage. The fact it made the newly promoted shinobi more inclined to respect him as an equal was a very nice bonus.

The newly promoted chunin and jounin went out of the village on random missions...and as ordered, brought back several scrolls worth of updated sealing books and medical books. Kyouya was not pleased with the state of their available knowledge base, and wasn't ashamed to trade several rare and valuable seeds or supplies in order to update their library.

The hospital was singing his praises, but then again they loved him already because he was one of their favorite people. His violent habits gave them plenty of business when it came to easily healed injuries that made up a decent chunk of their revenue each year.

And if he happened to 'nap' in abandoned rooms, where it was nice and quiet...well, none of the staff were going to say a thing.

By the time Arashi visited the village again, the change in the village was very obvious.

"I take it a new Kage has been elected?" he said calmly. "Whoever was picked must have done something right...I haven't seen the people here smile so much in over a decade."

"Hibari-sama is a kami-sent miracle!" said one civilian woman. "Not only did he fix the budget, but he's been improving the standards all around the village with the money that some fools had been siphoning off from the old kage for years!"

Fon looked at her in disbelief.

"I'm sorry, did you just say Hibari-sama? As in _Kyouya_ is the new Kage?"

"I would have thought Kazekage-sama's name would have reached outside the village by now," said a random shinobi.

Fon made a note to visit his grandson.

Seeing Kyouya in the Kazekage's desk, with his clones doing paperwork was surreal.

"Dear kami...they weren't kidding when they said they made you Kage," said Fon in disbelief.

Kyouya barely opened a single blue eye to glare at him, before going back to his nap.

Fon shook his head.

"Well at least any chance Konoha had of reclaiming you is shot to hell. They can't force an active Kage into joining the shinobi force of another village," said Fon with some relief. "On an unrelated note, were you aware that Jiraiya is your godfather?"

_That_ got Kyouya to wake up properly.

"What."

"Apparently Jiraiya of the Sannin is your godfather, because your parents decided he was an...acceptable...role model for you," said Fon with a straight face. Honestly, he wanted to know what the hell the Yondaime or his fiery Uzumaki wife had been thinking, naming that fool Kyouya's godfather.

Kyouya's face twitched.

"Are you telling me... that my _parents_ were idiotic enough to name that kami-damned pervert that never seems to get the hint about his 'habits' around my girlfriend as my _godfather_?" he hissed like a rather irate cat.

"In all fairness, Jiraiya is still a better role model than Iemitsu ever was," said Fon.

Kyouya paused at that.

"Point," he conceded.

If he had to choose having a known "Super Pervert" slash spymaster who had zero parenting skills and had never once checked up on his charge, or the narcissistic inverted Sky known as Iemitsu Sawada (he had never felt more pity for the Omnivore in his life after having to deal with that ass), he would take the perverted toad _every single time_.

Jiraiya had known he would have been a horrible parent and had wisely avoided taking in his godson. The man was a womanizer, not someone who would have had any idea how to raise a child, and kami only knew how things would have turned out if he _had_ taken Kyouya in after he was orphaned.

Iemitsu on the other hand, was a complete bastard who thought the world honestly revolved around his whims and desires, and treated his family as little more than extensions of his own delusions that he could put away and forget about when it suited him. Never mind the damage he did to the Vongola intelligence division...destroying it and putting the Foundation in place was honestly the only thing the Omnivore could have done considering CEDEF was on the verge of completely imploding anyway. Not to mention the seal that had ruined the Omnivore's childhood and had nearly killed him when he was only_ five_, which was done at Iemitsu's demand to his boss.

Kyouya shivered... give him Jiraiya any day over that idiot.

"Yeah, that was my reaction too," admitted Fon. "That being said, I had to enlighten him and Tsunade about why you left. From the looks of things, Tsunade isn't inclined at all at being Hokage."

Kyouya perked up at that.

"Do you think she would be willing to make a deal, if we gave her free reign of the hospital?"

"What do you have in mind?" asked Fon curious.

Kyouya's eyes gleamed. Just because he didn't like dealing with the tedious nature of leading didn't mean he wasn't _good_ at it. The Disciplinary Committee (and later the Foundation) didn't just form by itself thanks to Kusakabe's natural skills as a Right Hand.

Kyouya had put actual effort into them, and then made it self-sustaining.

"We offer Tsunade free room and board in exchange for revamping the hospital and possible training for the iryo-nin. As she won't be paid actual money, the debt collectors won't have anything to take from her. And since this isn't Konoha, she might humor our request long enough to do some good. Especially since there's no way I can order her around as part of the shinobi corps."

Fon felt he had a higher chance of succeeding than say, Konoha. After all, she didn't have _nearly_ as many bad memories of Suna and all he wanted her to do was fix up the hospital and their knowledge of medical techniques. He wasn't demanding she be part of the shinobi force or go on missions where people could be killed.

Whereas Konoha openly wanted to drag the Senju back after the mess caused by the invasion.

Tensions between Konoha and Suna were high strung, to say the least.

"Which brings me to you," said Kyouya.

"Me?"

"I want you to look at the Academy and see if you can't share some different taijutsu. What we have is _barely_ acceptable and I've been doing my best to get the number of fan girls dropped to as low as possible," said Kyouya grimacing. "Temari was not happy with me, though they seem to be warming up to Gaia."

Kyouya's idea of getting the fan girls to drop? Forcing competent and powerful kunoichi to spend a month teaching at the Academy in search of hidden talents. So far Kankuro had found three potential geniuses when it came to puppets, and two possible iryo nin. All of them from civilian and orphan backgrounds.

Though there was one that had Kyouya keeping his eye on the kid, because his chakra felt far too developed. It was like someone was attempting to hide a genin in among the academy students. He didn't say anything, despite the fact he had mist-walked through the boy's mind (which made him take a long shower, taking a page out of the pineapple bastard's book) and found that _someone_ had brainwashed the boy.

"Feel free to tap any of the children who catch your interest. If they prove worth training then I could easily mark them as your personal apprentice," said Kyouya. "What happened to I-Pin won't happen here."

Fon perked up at that, even if he did look a little sad at the reminder of his adopted daughter/apprentice.

"So how _did_ you convince them to make you the new Kage?"

"I didn't," deadpanned Kyouya. "I wasn't even aware I was in the running until Baki suddenly remembered that no one asked if I was even _interested_ in the job and came to get me. He said so long as I didn't go too overboard the shinobi would happily submit to my rule since I was the best choice for the job, despite only being a chunin when the meetings took place."

Fon looked very much like he wanted to laugh.

"That has to be a record...from chunin almost straight to Kage."

"According to Baki, no one thought Gaia was...intimidating...enough to do the job. That and they wanted a reason to keep me in the village after they found out I was the Kyuubi's jailer. They really didn't want Konoha trying to poach me under some ridiculous law or convincing the other Kage to start a war over it," said Kyouya dryly.

"Yes, well from what I know of Danzo he wouldn't have hesitated to force you back," coughed Fon. "However kidnapping a Kage is vastly different from taking an influential chunin. It means that he would have to prove you're unfit for the position first, if he doesn't try to kill you outright."

Kyouya's smirk was thin and predatory.

"Yes, well they've never had to deal with the nonsense that is Sky Charisma either," said Kyouya thinly.

"What do Sky flames have to do..."

Kyouya would treasure the gaping expression of his grandfather. To be fair, he never really messed with his Sky secondary because he didn't see the point of it. It had been annoying enough being on the Cloud guardian end of the deal.

"You're a _Sky_?" he said in absolute shock. Then a speculative expression crossed his face.

Kyouya brought out his full Flames, and Fon brought out his. The second Fon put his Storm close to Kyouya's mix...they began to mingle freely. An expression of relief crossed Fon's face, and an odd cross Kyouya's.

"Is that what Harmony is supposed to feel like?"

"Did you not have it before?" asked Fon.

"It didn't feel like...this. Like warmth."

"Considering what Tsunayoshi was put through as a child and later as an adult, it doesn't surprise me that you never achieved a proper harmony bond. The Vongola never really put what they preached into proper practice," said Fon tiredly. "Of course this means I _will_ be staying in the village for the next year, once I give Tsunade your offer."

Kyouya made a face, but did not argue.


	7. Chapter 7

The eyes of the shinobi nations were all eagerly watching Sunagakure. After the failed invasion, in which it became apparent they were tricked by the Sannin Orochimaru, the hidden village had done something rather...unorthadox.

They had appointed a mostly unknown Chunin into the position of Kage, almost in a landslide agreement between the civilian and shinobi councils.

Which was almost underheard of.

So the shinobi nations watched and waited. It was clear that the tensions between Konoha and Suna were very high, though the exact reason wasn't entirely known.

The limited information that was spread like wildfire.

Apparently Suna had somehow gotten it's hands on a rare Konoha bloodline and made it part of _their_ shinobi force. A bloodline valued enough that the Leaf would go to war for it, according to rumors.

This child went to the failed invasion and made it blatantly clear his allegiance lay with Suna, and that he had no love for Konoha considering he put the Hokage himself into the hospital for several months. Not only that, but he broke out most of the captured Suna shinobi and they successfully returned to their village before Konoha had a chance in hell of stopping them.

To make things even _more_ complicated, the boy also married the Kazekage's youngest daughter, who was known to be a Jinchuriki. An _unstable_ jinchuriki at that.

After being named Kage, the boy effectively isolated the village and kept the shinobi in-house. The trade continued, and even started to flourish a bit, but Suna stayed close to home.

The few shinobi would state if asked that their new Kage was performing an overdue "spring cleaning", and was reorganizing things until they recovered from the failed invasion.

And then...it happened.

Konoha made an open demand for their bloodline back, or else.

They were among the most surprised at the response they got.

* * *

Kyouya felt like sneering at the Konoha nin they had sent with explicit demands to "return their Jinchuriki". The wording made it abundantly clear that it wasn't a request.

"There is no Uzumaki Naruto in our shinobi forces," stated Kyouya with no little glee.

Which was true. He had dropped that name the second he joined the village as a 'war orphan', according to their records. If asked every single person in the village would state that their Kage was "Hibari Kyouya" and that they had absolutely no idea who Uzumaki Naruto was...including the civilians, who might have said something differently out of spite.

As far as Suna was concerned, he was Hibari Kyouya, not Uzumaki Naruto.

"Listen brat, we came here to speak to the new Kazekage, not you. So bring him out."

Kyouya's eyes narrowed at the disrespect. To say nothing of the quietly murderous atmosphere Gaia was giving off.

Unfortunately for the Konoha nin, Kyouya wasn't that easy to rile up. And Gaia tended to follow _his_ queues before she snapped and started killing people.

Which was why he stared down the arrogant bastards that had been sent with calm disdain.

Fortunately sending them back to their hotel under "house arrest" was perfectly within his power, since they clearly needed to 'cool their heads'.

However the Konoha shinobi sorely tested his patience the entire time they were there.

Which was why Kyouya was going to deliberately outmanuever them.

They wanted Uzumaki Naruto so badly? He'd make _them_ the bad guys for starting another shinobi war, because Kyouya wouldn't hesitate to drag everyone who had a beef with the 'holier than thou' attitude Konoha had.

Especially considering all the crap Danzou had been pulling from the shadows.

That alone would spark another war once even a fraction of it got out.

Which was why Kyouya was taking a page from the Omnivore's book of diplomacy.

He was calling in a neutral party to make the Konoha herbivores play nice, and if they tried anything then he would have far more support reigning hell upon them for their idiocy.

(To be fair, Tsuna often made use of the fact that _everyone_ was terrified of the Vindice when he wanted the other side to play nice and actually honor their agreement. Many in the mafia considered this arrangement to be overkill, but it worked. The Vindice didn't actually mind since Tsuna generally ignored the fact they did their best to scare the other side shitless out of boredom.)

Which was why Kyouya was currently drafting a letter to the Land of Iron, which was ruled by Samurai instead of shinobi.

* * *

Sarutobi Hiruzen looked every bit his age. He was getting too old for this shit.

At least the new Kazekage was _trying_ to be reasonable, even if he felt involving the samurai was a bit much.

Though considering how tense things were between Suna and Konoha after the invasion, it was probably for the best. By all accounts whatever the new Kage was doing was _working_.

Trade had gone up to noticeable levels, the ability and skill levels of the Suna shinobi sent out had shot up beyond what they were in previous years, and their Daimyo was starting to funnel work back their way instead of to Konoha.

The only problem was that no one really knew what the Kazekage looked like, other than the fact that he had been promoted almost straight from Chunin into his new position.

Which meant Suna was either _really_ desperate for a new leader...or the kid had somehow done the impossible and won the unanimous support of the village in the short time he had been alive as well as shown the right amount of skill and power to reasonably hold the position in the first place.

All too soon they reached the Land of Iron.

* * *

Kyouya was wearing his ceremonial robes, and the hat. Though his face was completely visible and his tonfas placed into Mist-bindings for easy access.

Without any seals visible, the samurai allowed them into the neutral meeting room.

Seeing the fake carnivore monkey there, Kyouya had to hold back a sneer.

Beside him, Gaia sat calmly reading her book. She had only been allowed in on a technicality...specifically the fact that she was married to him.

"Kazekage-sama," said Hiruzen.

"Hn. Fake carnivore monkey," said Kyouya.

The Hokage's eyes widened in shock.

Only _one_ person called him such an odd name.

"Kyouya," said Gaia.

"Fine, Hokage-sama," said Kyouya in annoyance.

"Now that the greetings are out of the way, let's get down to business," said Mifune-sama.

It was going to be a long three days.

* * *

_Back in Konoha_

"What."

Danzou looked furious, and the clan heads weren't happy either.

"Naruto Uzumaki dropped his birth name and became Hibari Kyouya, who is now the Kazekage," repeated Sarutobi tiredly. He had the worst headache.

Dead silence as this sank in, before Tsume Inuzuka broke it.

"Hah! Good on the pup to find a proper territory! Never thought he'd made Kage so fast though."

"What does that mean?" snapped Hiashi.

"None of you noticed it? The kid's a natural alpha. Do you really think he was going to simply stand there and take all the shit the civilians and a good chunk of the shinobi put him through on a daily basis until he was old enough to become a shinobi? Especially since Hokage-sama refused to get off his ass and put his foot down? Everyone simply toed the line in regards to the Third's Law, but so long as you didn't mention or hint at the Kyuubi the most the offenders got was a slap on the wrist," spat Tsume. "I know for a fact our clan would have happily taken him in, since the kid seems to operate under the same rules we do, if not for the fact that _politics_ prevented it."

"This is ridiculous. We should simply kidnap him and transfer the Kyuubi to another host," said Danzou.

Tsume stared at him like he was an idiot, and she wasn't the only one.

"Do you really want to spark another shinobi war so soon after the invasion?" said Shikaku incredulous. "Or am I the only one who noticed the fact that the Kazekage deliberately chose to involve a third party in order to make _us_ the instigators if he went missing?"

Seeing no one got it, Shikaku elaborated. Honestly, it was all too troublesome sometimes.

"Suna invaded under false information by Orochimaru, and lost their Kage as a result. They then elected a complete unknown who only had a B-ranking in the BINGO book before the invasion as their new Kage, and for fifteen months after that operated on a limited basis. Then, when they finally started operating normally we start making demands to get Naruto back, except they firmly state that they don't have him. To make things more complicated, the new Kage made a point to bring in a third party to insure everyone was aware that 'Uzumaki Naruto' was never a part of the Suna shinobi forces, nor did he reside in the village. And we have no way to conclusively prove this Hibari Kyouya is Naruto without the Kyuubi or a DNA test of Naruto's parents, which have been sealed under the Hokage's orders," stated Shikaku simply.

Inoichi got it first.

"If we try to prove Hibari Kyouya is Naruto, then it makes us look desperate and since we've barely finished recovering from the invasion, it would signal that we're deliberately starting a fight to make up for what they did almost two years ago," said Inoichi. "And considering the kid already made it clear he wasn't that loyal to Konoha, odds are he'd convince some of our unhappy rivals to join _his_ side and spark another shinobi war."

"Kidnapping the Kage or his wife would set off the Fourth Shinobi War...and I don't know about you, but I don't think Konoha would come out on top if _we_ were the instigators this time," said Shikaku firmly.

"How certain are we that Hibari Kyouya is Naruto?" demanded Danzou.

"Unless you know of anyone else who would call me 'fake monkey carnivore' to my face instead of going with Hokage-sama," deadpanned the Hokage.

Tsume snickered at that. She could see it.

* * *

"So how is Konoha taking the fact that their precious 'bloodline' has firmly sided with Suna?" asked Fon.

"So far the Hokage knows it's me, but unless they can give a major reason why I'm needed in Konoha, there's no way they're forcing me back. Not without sparking another great shinobi war."

"That's good to hear."

Kyouya rather loved Suna. They had accepted his claim as the superior carnivore and he had found a wife who encouraged him without needing to be rescued all the time.

"Now...when can I expect great-grandchildren out of you and Gaia?" said Fon impishly.

Kyouya barely avoided starting.

"When can I expect kids out of you and Viper?" he shot back.

"Viper isn't here."

"She is, actually. And just as snarky as ever, only this time with more snakes."

Fon stared at him.

"Who?"

"And ruin all her fun?" smirked Kyouya. "I found her in Konoha, if you were wondering."

Fon made a note to visit Konoha, and soon.

It was only a scant month later that they heard rumors of the last Uchiha going rogue.

To the immense amusement of Kyouya, his wife Gaia managed to _capture_ the brat and dragged him back to Suna under the reasoning that her Skylark would like a new 'playmate'.

(In reality, she did it purely to piss off Konoha. She wanted to see how unhappy they got when another ninja defected to Suna and told them to go to hell.)

"Let me go!" snarled Sasuke.

"What...is this?" asked Kyouya slowly.

"I thought you could use another playmate," said Gaia innocently.

"Nice try. You have your devious face on, misbehaving Raccoon."

"Fine, I wanted to see how pissed that stupid village of monkeys got when we poached another bloodline because our village's Kage is better," pouted Gaia.

Kyouya's smirk was wicked. The expression in his eyes said volumes, to Gaia's delight.

"What drives you, fake carnivore?" asked Kyouya.

"Release me now!"

"You're not in Konoha, fake carnivore. This is _Suna_, and right now you're little more than a potential spy. I don't need to elaborate what happens to spies in ninja villages, do I?" said Kyouya.

Sasuke squirmed, but Gaia had him trapped with her sand. There was no way he was getting out with his hands bound in two blocks, unable form a single handsign.

"Now I'll ask again. What drove you out of your village?"

"I want to become stronger. Strong enough to kill my traitor brother, and my team was only holding me back. Orochimaru said he would train me."

Kyouya looked at him deadpan.

"You have got to be joking. What makes you think he'd train you _personally? _The man is a sannin and known to prefer research. At most he'd dump you on a trusted subordinate until you proved useful. Do you know what he did with the minions he had with him during the Chunin exam to hold the barricade?"

"Why should I care?"

"They were his personally trained men and he left them to die. The man could care less about his minions so long as they die in a useful manner. And really, what's to stop him from drugging you and then pumping you for your seed to get unlimited access to the Uchiha bloodline? After all, men produce for their entire lives compared to women and some of it is certain to take," said Kyouya flatly.

Sasuke paled at that.

"Why should I trust you?"

"Because I refused to let that fake carnivore monkey keep me from beating up the disrespectful herbivores."

"Why do you keep calling me a fake carnivore?"

Kyouya smirked. Now he had a real chance to convert Sasuke into tentatively joining Suna.

"Because you've allowed the praise of the herbivores to make you believe you're a carnivore, when in reality you're barely an omnivore. I bet any number of our genin could beat you because of your inflated sense of pride and ego," said Kyouya.

Seeing the spark of challenge in Sasuke's face, Kyouya looked to Baki.

"Throw him in the training ground with our genin who made the best showing in the Chunin exams. I want him to see what _real_ training is," said Kyouya.

Baki and Gaia disappeared...a few hours later a tired Sasuke glared at Kyouya.

He had gotten his ass kicked so thoroughly it wasn't even funny, and it only highlighted how useless Konoha was. Even the _academy students, _who hadn't even earned their headband had made a better showing than he did!

"How are they so strong?" he demanded.

"Because a superior carnivore reminded the herbivores where their place was a long time ago," said Kyouya. "The fake carnivore monkey you call a Hokage has allowed the herbivores to grow fat and forget their place in the food chain."

Seeing he had Sasuke's full attention, Kyouya stared him in the eyes.

"Who was it that praised you the most for making genin? Who was it that allowed those patethic parasites that hovered around you, clamoring for access to your bloodline? The herbivores in Konoha have developed a false sense of superiority while the carnivores and omnivores have had their fangs dulled by complacency."

He knew he had the teen now.

"You are barely a carnivore pup, and until you learn to let go of your false pride, you will never be anything but a puppy who yaps at the bigger dogs that could eat him in an instant."

Sasuke bristled at being compared to one of those small dogs that were purely for show and not for real use.

"Tell you what...tomorrow morning you can challenge me to a fight. If you win I'll acknowledge you're a proper carnivore and even let you go near one of Orochimaru's bases of operations."

"And if I lose?"

"Then I get the amusement of seeing your pride crumble and the possibility of future entertainment...that plus a strong chance to tell Konoha to go screw themselves again," said Kyouya simply.

Needless to say Sasuke had an...enlightening...fight with Kyouya, only to learn that the teen happened to be the current Kazekage.

Kyouya rather enjoyed sending another reminder that Suna was better than Konoha.


	8. Chapter 8

Sasuke had to admit, the carnivore known as "Hibari Kyouya" was a superior instructor compared to that idiot Kakashi. Sure, he didn't learn anything new about his Sharingan and he still had some time before they got to any jutsu...but he could already tell the difference compared to how weak he had been when the Kazekage's wife captured him.

"Jutsu are for those who want to show off how flashy they are. I rarely use any while on a mission because I don't see the point of being flashy when I could simply cave someone's head in first," said Kyouya bluntly.

Seeing Sasuke didn't get it, Kyouya sighed.

"What are the Uchiha known for?"

"Their Sharingan," said Sasuke.

"And what does the Sharingan do best?"

"Copy things. Specifically jutsu and fighting styles."

"And what _can't_ it copy?"

Sasuke blinked, before he got the point Kyouya was trying to make.

"You're saying I should focus more on my physical skills rather than jutsu, because it's something Itachi can't copy."

"That and blind fighting. The key to being caught by the Sharingan is to see your opponent's eyes. If you can't see them, then he can't get you with a genjutsu and it limits his ability to fight unless he's a sensor. Even then, if you're fast enough then it's still very difficult to counter it in time to avoid a blow," said Kyouya. "Arashi can get your taijutsu skills up...but it's _your_ resolve that will see if you can use them against your brother properly. And if you impress me enough I _may_ teach you something the Sharingan can't copy no matter how hard the user tries."

Seeing he had Sasuke's full attention, Kyouya smirked and demonstrated it.

His first blow to the rock they were near made a sizeable dent...his second, coated in purple fire _demolished_ it. Sasuke's eyes gleamed.

"These are called Dying Will Flames, and they are tied directly to the spiritual aspect of your chakra. No person has the same signature and it's impossible to duplicate. Which means Itachi will never see it coming. The question is whether your resolve is strong enough to learn how to use it," said Kyouya.

Right now Sasuke was a dull kunai...still good enough to use, but not good enough for any hard use. Kyouya would see if the brat had the resolve to sharpen those fangs of his into something great.

Sasuke's eyes gleamed at the challenge.

"I won't disappoint you, sensei."

"Good. If and when you finally return to Konoha I want you to show those pathetic herbivores who the superior village is."

Sasuke grimaced at the idea of Konoha, until Kyouya explained it to them.

"It's to taunt the Hokage that his ability to train S-class shinobi sucks and that's why he's still stuck behind the desk rather than in retirement," clarified Kyouya helpfully. "That and imagine the fun of taking the hat so that you can order entire _teams_ of shinobi to hunt down your brother and weaken him so that when you finally do kill him, it will prove who the superior carnivore was all along."

Now he had Sasuke's interest.

"How do you keep the paperwork from burying you? It's like every time I went to see the Hokage he has an almost full desk."

"Two things. One, I made a point to 'remind' people I am not about to deal with their screw-ups and that any mission that results in too much paperwork is ample reason to give their entire team 'remedial training' that usually lands them in the hospital for a week with the bills coming out of their mission payment. You'd be surprised how quickly my men learned to sharpen their skills to avoid 'remedial training' with me."

Sasuke's eyes gleamed with approval at that part.

"What's the other?"

"Shadow clones."

"Shadow clones?" repeated Sasuke.

"Nothing says I have to do the paperwork personally, I still get the memories when it pops and so long as no one realizes it's a clone doing all the signing then there's no reason to enlighten people trying to tie me to a desk," deadpanned Kyouya. "Which leads me to believe someone invented the shadow clone jutsu purely to escape the hells of paperwork."

Sasuke considered this.

"What if the ones giving you too much paperwork are civilians?"

"Do I look like I care about how the herbivores view me? It's a _shinobi_ village...if they think I'm going to give a damn about their opinion when they're trying to slip things into paperwork, then clearly they need reminding who the carnivore is," said Kyouya flatly. "If they're lucky I just send Gaia to 'remind' them that I only tolerate a set amount of paperwork _per group_ before I get stab happy."

The paper pushers in the village loved him for the stream-lined process, especially since it meant some of them would be able to actually sleep in their own beds instead of in the cots in the special break rooms.

The R and D department hadn't stopped singing his praises since he fixed things so that their higher budget had been approved. To say nothing of the hospital since Kyouya managed to convince Tsunade to spend an entire year training his medic teams in new techniques and procedures.

He may have had to put the fear of god into a few debt collectors, but Tsunade wasn't complaining. Kyouya gave her an open-ended contract that allowed her to leave whenever she wanted so long as she brought the skill level of his hospital and iryo-nin up to a higher standard. He also let her revamp his hospitals and medic division however she wanted so long as it kept his men alive.

To say nothing of how happy the Puppet Master Corps were. Not only did he approve an influx of quality wood and new supplies, but thanks to his orders they had several bright eyed recruits who were learning what some had considered a 'useless art'.

Temari and Gaia were just thrilled that Kyouya revamped the academy system. All those useless lessons about _civilian_ ideas of what was appropriate for girls had gone out the window, and half the texts had been replaced.

If they wanted to learn how to do feminine things like flower arranging or learning etiquette, then they could do it on their own time rather than wasting valuable training hours. He had set up a few areas that held clubs for that sort of thing for the girls under fifteen and so far it seemed to be evening out. Of course he also had to introduce a few 'clubs' for the boys, which coincidentally nudged them towards productive shinobi career paths, but who was going to complain when their academy students started acting like proper genin right off the bat? The jounin certainly weren't.

* * *

Sarutobi was feeling every bit his age. And the constant headache wasn't making things any better.

"You're telling me Sasuke is in Suna right now?" he said irate.

"Yes, Hokage-sama. Apparently the Kazekage has taken to training him personally," said the ANBU.

"Any explanation _how_ he got there when all reports said that he was heading to Orochimaru?" demanded the Hokage.

"According to what we were told, the Kazekage's wife spotted him and decided to kidnap him on the grounds it would piss off the Leaf if they poached another 'fancy' bloodline...and that it would give him a new playmate to occupy his time since he had been looking through the higher ranked mission scrolls before she left on her mission," said the ANBU helpfully.

The Hokage paused.

"I must be hearing things. Are you telling me that the new Kazekage has_ free time_?" he said dubiously.

No Kage ever had enough free time to do missions. They were lucky to get anywhere without an escort of highly trained ninja following them.

"He had no paperwork on his desk save for what one jounin brought in during the 'reminder' that he gave about spying and anything else that would require him to 'personally' escort us out of the village. From what our team observed, the Kazekage not only has free time, but never goes anywhere with an escort. The one chunin we asked about it said that anyone stupid enough to attack the Kazekage deserved what happened to him, and that the Kage had made it clear he didn't appreciate being 'escorted' everywhere by men who could be doing more productive missions. Something about crowding," said the ANBU.

Specifically the fact Kyouya was better at _escaping_ his men and was generally accompanied by his wife, who was dangerous enough to act as a full ANBU guard on her own. So long as he agreed to allow the guard to accompany him outside the village or during diplomatic meetings, the men normally assigned the duty were allowed to take more interesting missions.

Besides, Kyouya got crabby having that many people hovering about during his nap time.

Sarutobi bit into his pipe.

On one hand, the Uchiha brat's defection had been a major blow to the village. On the other...

The Hokage took out a scroll and started writing something. Much to the ANBU's shock, it was then stamped with the Hokage's official seal.

"I want you to take your team to Suna and deliver this to the Kazekage personally."

"Yes, Hokage-sama."

"Under no circumstances are you to read the contents of the scroll or let anyone else do so outside of him or his wife."

"Yes, Hokage-sama," repeated the ANBU automatically.

"You will be given A-rank pay upon your return. Dismissed."

The ANBU disappeared.

_A few days later..._

Kyouya read the missive from the Hokage...and had to resist the urge to laugh his ass off.

"What did the Hokage say?" asked Gaia.

"He said I was free to have the Uchiha kid so long as I send some of the descendants back their way...and any other shinobi I wanted so long as they aren't too important...in exchange for the secret to how I defeated paperwork and gained free time."

Temari gaped at him.

"Seriously?"

"According to this, the entire invasion and the fact we poached two important bloodlines is forgiven so long as he can finally get rid of all the paperwork clogging his desk."

Gaia was already snickering.

"What are you going to do?"

"Make Arashi happy so I can finally get him off my back about grandkids, and get some amusement out of the deal."

Kyouya started writing down his reply and stamped it.

Temari delivered the reply to the Leaf ANBU personally, and they were going by morning.

_Back in Konoha_

"His reply, Hokage-sama."

The Hokage looked at the contents eagerly.

"He wants Mitarashi Anko?" blinked the Hokage in surprise. While Anko's reputation was impressive, she wasn't important enough to give up on the chance to be free of his damn paperwork. "Bring me Anko."

"Yes, Hokage-sama."

* * *

Anko was not only as baffled as he was about the sudden transfer, but was highly suspicious as to why the Hokage was so quick to agree to it.

Still, it was a mission and she had been dead bored anyway.

Kyouya was in a very good mood...and it had nothing to do with the suspicious smile on Fon's face. Or Viper's.

"Well?" asked Temari eagerly.

"Be sure to record his expression when he finds out the secret to paperwork. I want to have the photo put in a place of honor on the wall in my office," said Kyouya.

Temari cackled.

"How come she gets the fun mission?" complained Kankuro.

"Because I caught her eyeing up the Nara heir's ass while we were there after he tricked her, and I want the amusement of mocking _her_ love life for once and the fact we can also threaten Shikamaru's manhood if he knocks her up during her diplomatic missions to Konoha."

"...Have I ever said how much I love having you as a brother-in-law?" asked Kankuro seriously, his face wide with a wicked grin.

"I want to see her face when she realizes I just set her up with a nice man she can easily bully around."

Kankuro cackled, and Gaia snickered.

_In Konoha..._

Sarutobi opened up the scroll...and started swearing.

Temari...was too busy capturing the entire thing on video and camera.

"How exactly did he get the previous Kazekage's paperwork down to manageable levels before he put the system in?"

"The council did most of the stuff that didn't require Kage approval...but his first act in office was to have a complete audit of the past ten years."

The Hokage blinked.

"An audit? Why?"

"Do you have any idea how much bitching the average Suna nin used to do about the state of our finances? Kyouya-nii decided to he wanted a better idea of _how_ bad things were before he actually did something about it, and what better place than to track down where the money actually went during the time frame the Wind Daimyo started sending missions to Konoha? He was not happy finding out that we were being short-changed on supplies and that several people were actually siphoning off money to their own pockets. He made sure to bite each and every one of them to death unless they were smart enough to write an iron-clad agreement stating they would repay every bent coin they stole."

"Bite to death?"

Temari shrugged.

"I'm not going to question my brother-in-law's odd phrase for beating the ever living shit out of someone. We had to put the village under a 'special budget' until he sorted things out and put the money where it could do the most good. I think the biggest thing he did was revamp the academy system. The number of fan girls that are produced are down to an all-time low and most of them wouldn't have made it as kunoichi anyway," said Temari. "Tsunade-sama in particular couldn't stop singing his praises when she found out how he pulled _that_ off."

The Hokage stared at her. He wasn't the only one.

"Before you ask, Kyouya made sure to include his demands for how he did it at the bottom of the scroll," said Temari helpfully. She was enjoying this far too much for it to be the shinobi idea of legal.

The Hokage looked down the scroll and wanted to growl. It seemed he would be having a word with Danzou after this. Preferably after he had a chance to perform his own audit of the village finances.

"Just out of curiosity, how did he convince his shinobi forces to avoid adding more paperwork from missions?" he asked.

Temari smirked.

"He gathered every shinobi in the village, and gave them an ultimatum. If he got more than a set amount of paperwork added to his desk from their screw-ups or from overly long mission reports, he would put them and their entire team through 'remedial training' and make them pay the bill."

"Remedial training?" said the Hokage dubiously.

"By that I mean he personally visited the team and beat the shit out of them to the point of putting them in the hospital for a full week, which they then had to pay for out of their mission payment. The staff gets more practice in healing up traumatic injuries, the shinobi get a reminder not to piss off their Kage and if they're extremely lucky impress him enough with their ability to stay alive that their stay is shortened. Most got the memo within the first six months and the civilians were even quicker... generally because if they were extremely lucky he would send Gaia to have a 'word' with them about trying to slip things into his paperwork that made the pile bigger than it needed to be."

"How did he keep the council from complaining about it?"

"Same way he dealt with everyone else. If they have a problem with the way he ran the village, they can either move or challenge him in a fight. If they beat him, he would reconsider and allow them to make the decisions," said Temari. "He's the leader of a village of shinobi...we're not supposed to lower our standards just because the civilians whine about it and you'd be surprised what people can learn to put up with if you make the place attractive enough."

That and he had replaced most of the civilians who didn't like his policy with people who came from countries who were far worse...like Kirigakure. Sure the shortage of water was annoying but compared to the fear of being killed for having a kekkei genkai it was better than nothing. He simply offered them a lower rent until they had gotten on their feet and quite a few people were more than happy to move to Suna.


End file.
